By Vijay Mehta

To all my fellow immigrants from eastern countries,

This is extremely tragic news. Media has portrayed this as a murder by her father due to hijab. That may not tell the entire story.

This is what we know. Father was a taxi driver and a devout muslim (praying [five] times a day). He called police and informed them that he killed his daughter. This household had 11 members living there. Teenager Aqsa wanted to wear clothes like other teens and did not wear hijab whenever she got a chance. A week before her death she moved out of house to stay with her friend. She went home to pick up her belongings and the next thing we know is that she was strangled to death by her father.

The media thinks this is a death due to hijab. However, there may be lot more than hijab controversy. The escalating anger between a rebel teenager and strict family may have lead to this heinous crime. Arguments may be over hijab, studies, following religious and cultural traditions, alcohol, boy friends, etc. A teen growing up in western environment and living in Indian or Pakistani household is caught between two extremes. Living a double life comes natural to them. One day they get caught. Now the drama unfolds.

We may never know all the details in this incidence. And it is definitely not my intention to throw mud at any one or any group of people. But there are lots of lesson here. Just as there were in case of a 18 year old Sikh girl killed by her dad few months back in Canada because she ran away with a Canadian man.

In our multicultural world we have migrated to a vastly different culture.

Our teens are under tremendous peer pressure to feel a sense of belonging to the western kids. They will defy our laws, they will not meet our expectations and a feeling of let down is obvious. Remember coming to U.S. or Canada was a choice we made not our children,

However, under no circumstances it should allow us to do anything or say anything that infringes on the freedom of choice that this country allows. It only backfires our mission to keep our youth connected to our values.

There is no surer way to make a teen go ballistic than to challenge them with authoritarian dictum. Little did Muhammed Parvez (the dad) know that most of the rebellious behaviour of his daughter originated by his strict behaviour.

In a much smaller scale the struggle between a teen and parents go on in many desi household.

May we learn something from this sad episode.

May we develop a support system in our own community for troubled teens.

May we develop a support system for our distressed parents.

To a teen in such a situation. It is not about who is right and who is wrong. If you think you are dealing with irrational parents – do not escalate. There is a difference between being empowered versus being a rebel.

Contact me vijayvip@aol.com or talk to some elder person whom you trust.

When you are sixteen, 2 years without hijab may seem like eternity but trust me slow and steady wins the race. Do not run away from home. Do not move out of home – that is surely to make parents that they are losing you and precipitate irrational behaviour.

No one can ever bring Aqsa back but if we all learn to become calm and rational in face of cultural clash and prevent even one such happening her life would not go in vein!

To all who are unfamiliar with Eastern culture – please do not oversimplify this heinous crime as a result of one religion or ethnicity or nationality.

It is a complex issue of struggle faced by immigrant to this country who came in search of prosperity and now have to deal with learning the western way. A rational dialogue is in order not finger pointing.

May your soul rest in peace Aqsa.

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Note: Dr. Vijay Mehta is a board certified surgeon and motivational speaker addressing the issue of culture clash

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