She’s come undone: my unraveling of the Hijab

by Sajidah Kutty

First I want to begin by saying I don’t like a lot of the things I’ve read on hijab. Most often I end up finishing an article or book on the subject with a profound sense of dissonance. I cannot for the life of me identify with a jewel or a tasty confection. When a woman is described in this way to justify hijab she is rendered immobile, inanimate and illiterate. I’ve sat with others and watched while a speaker or an average Jamal, with awe in their voices has said, “just as a diamond is wrapped in a protective cloth, women are precious enough that they too must be thus wrapped. Not everyone can see this diamond.” Sometimes some of the women watching with me raise their eyebrows with pride and high-five glances at each other. But trust me when I say that there are a lot of us watching and listening who don’t feel like we’ve been mined from Africa illegally. As for the argument that the very best bonbons are wrapped in hijab, I would have to remind you that those very best bonbons don’t have a life beyond getting eaten and washed down by the very best wine.

So, please stop with those analogies. They leave an extremely unpolished, bitter taste in the mouth of many a Muslim. And they all reek with the idea of women as possession for we all know a diamond and a bonbon belong in someone’s clutches. Sorry, I belong exclusively to Allah.

I can only approach the subject of hijab (in the head-cover sense) from my personal vantage point – which peers out from inside a hijab, most often a pashmina – not swung on but pinned in 3 strategic locations – but also from inside a regular shayla (long rectangular cloth) or sometimes when I’m feeling nostalgic, from the inside of those old-fashioned square scarves (which too many people nowadays consider too square). My vantage point also peers out at an increasing number of friends who have shaken their hijabs off.

These friends for the most part fall into 3 categories:

1. Those who read, read and read trying to find the source of the requirement to hijabify in the manner most people take hijabify to mean. They don’t find a strong enough source so they calmly fold their hijab up and turn it in. Unfortunately, these women are sometimes treated like they have committed an act of apostasy.

2. Those who believe hijab is a requirement but couldn’t stand to face the forces agitating against it – usually from family, job settings etc. They’re not caving in as much as trying to still the ropes pulling them from all directions.

3. Those who shrug off their hijabs because of profound life-altering situations. A lot of my friends who are in this category were women who took up hijab in their early twenties – most often against the wishes of their families. When things hit them later in life, they find comfort in not having to hold on to one more obligation. Because, really honestly, to hijabify in a society – okay, in a globe – which judges a woman’s worth mostly by her appearance is really, honestly hard.

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